The less that I am clinging to samsaric pleasures, confirmations or engagements of any kind, the more I have renounced samsara, the more I see the beauty that can be found in that very same samsaric appearances.
Does it sound like a paradox? It does. Is it a paradox? No, not at all, rather the contrary.
For years I have been watching how grasping at anything samsaric leads to trouble. It makes us want things to be our way, which brings us stress and frustration because life does not follow our wishes and wants. It makes us generate expectations how other people should act or speak or think, which is another source of conflict and stress, sometimes simply because we are different and have different needs.
The more I have started to notice how my self-centered, self-righteous clinging to my habits and beliefs have started to subside and give space for a more open-minded approach, based on reason, instead of emotions, habits or peer-pressure, the more my mind has started to relax and the faster it regained joyful balance after I got upset about something, that I found unjust, harmful or simply not to my liking. Appreciating others and the circumstances that I have, have gradually become my mode of existence. Still work in progress, but the basis is here.
So, here it is, happier and more peaceful life than I’ve ever had before. It has grown from reason, from understanding what matters and what does not, from a larger perspective to a succession of lifetimes, from study and contemplation of I have learnt. In this life of gratitude my mind is much more opened, relaxed and happy than ever before.
This is the basis, I believe, that makes colors more brilliant, tastes more delicious, bypassing sounds more pleasing to my ears, and every movement around me more subtly elegant. I experience it as a happy-sad beauty, being at the same time acutely aware that all these sensations are impermanent, not satisfying on the long run and similar to a reflection of the world on a soap bubble. Yet, this is anything but a melancholic feeling to me, instead it evokes a strong and steady determination to continue to pursue my path in Dharma study and ordination.